Have you ever watched someone achieve something truly spectacular and felt that big ball of disgust in the pit of your throat? I’m talking that Meek Mill hates Drake disgust. You tried to stop the envy because you knew you should be happy but there it was…chilling out in your mind like an annoying guy at the club or a hangnail. And I HATE hangnails.

I felt this as I watched my sorority sister walk past me to accept Female Sorority Leader of the Year. How Sway? How did she win that award when I was the president of my chapter, leading them into greatness? I clapped, I cheered but deep inside I was hating hard because I felt it should have been me that won that award.


We won’t admit it but so many times we hate on others’ success instead of genuinely cheering them on. It’s such a useless emotion to get worked up over. From our closest friends to celebrities, we compare and beat ourselves up for not being where we deep down want to be. Through all the comparing and envy I’ve felt for others I realized three important things that helped to cut the crap:

There’s Enough Success To Go Around

Whoever told you that there could only be one person at the top lied to you. We walk around so focused on being the top model to entrepreneur that we start living for the validation of others. We simply aren’t confident in in our own abilities. Teach yourself how to be open to learning and collaborating with people in your industry instead of trying to beat or sabotage them. What’s crazy is half of the time those people don’t even know they are in a competition with you. There will always be someone prettier, someone more intelligent. Do your absolute best and focus on your own lane instead of trying to take the wheel from someone else. You will cross the finish line in tact and dominate like you never imagined.

[Related – How I Found Joy in the Journey]

confidence, envy

Envy is a Reflection of What You Think You’re Lacking

I’ve learned that when I felt envious of someone it was because it was reflecting what I felt I lacked. I wasn’t mad at my linesister for winning that award. I deep down felt like people didn’t think I was good or popular enough to vote for me . It was ALL about me and my insecurities and had nothing to do with her. Are you envious of that coworker because she shows an amazing work ethic but you disguise it as “doing the most?” Check your heart and be honest with yourself. Envy can expose areas that we actually need to work on or what we feel we lack. Take a deep breath, maybe eat a pint of ice cream and get to work on being the best you can be.

relief, envy

Your Destiny Is Already Set

God already called the shots and wrote the map. There is no need to look over at Sally’s blessing because her elevation wasn’t meant for you and won’t bring you true joy and happiness. So many times we get in a rush to be successful or “make it” that we start to follow the course of others, thinking it will speed up the process. I had to stop looking at the green grass of other people and start to water my own. Embracing where you are is all you need to do to live your best life. It’s all you need to be who you were called to be. God is just waiting for you to stop worrying, stop the dramatics and get out the way so that he can give you all you ask for and more.

I had to stop looking at the green grass of other people and start to water my own. Click To Tweet

Being in competition with each other is a complete waste of time and is doing a disservice to the world. Your only competition should be yourself and the more we challenge our habits, the more we grow. You have to grind even without the recognition you might deserve. The next time you start to feel that little ball of jealousy creep in, acknowledge those feelings and remember your future is already waiting for you. All you have to do is work hard, focus and walk toward it.

celebrate, happy, nicki minaj

Challenge: Identify 5 things you are grateful for right now. When you begin to compare your journey to others, look at that list to remind yourself just how blessed you are. I promise it works.

Alaina Nicole

What are other ways you deal with the pest called envy?